I couldn’t have written this chapter 3 years ago because I didn’t really understand what I am about to convey… I had a head knowledge but not a heart knowledge.
I spent 11 years of marriage trying to NOT have a baby. My dad told me, “Son, you need to have a kid”… My pastor told me, “Aaron, there is a new plateau that you take on in your maturation and development when you have a child…you need to at least consider it”… My response was usually a slightly pointed, “yeah, well, that AIN’T happenin!”
I’m not sure why I was so adamant about not having children but I just was. If I’m honest with myself, it probably had to do with the responsibility and “changes” that I knew were inevitable, not to mention, I liked my life. Good marriage, nice house, boat, motorcycle, vacations, come and go as I please, Blah-Blah-Blah…. Why throw an unknown variable into the works when everything is cruising on autopilot, right?
The truth is, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I was in LA with a friend when I got the call. “Aaron, I’m pregnant”… My response was one of a little shock… I mean, we had decided to “stop trying NOT to have a kid” the month before, but I had friends who made that same decision and went YEARS before they got pregnant… I figured I would have some time to process and get used to the idea before I had my own “bun in the oven”… but here I was, one month later… I was happy but also kinda, overwhelmed…
Fast forward through 8 months of doctor’s appointments, baby showers, ultrasounds, nursery assembly… and Lisa goes to the doctor and is told, we have to have an emergency C-Section ASAP because she is about to have a stroke from high blood pressure.
Rocky was born the next morning at least 4 weeks early, (maybe as much as 7 weeks early based upon changed “due dates” and unsure conception dates). We were told that a delivery at this point in the pregnancy could entail some “lung development” issues but this would probably not be the case.
On March 14th, I met my son Rocky for the first time… He was beautiful and my world had changed forever! Shortly after being cleaned up and taken to the nursery, his oxygen levels began to drop, he was placed on a C-pap machine and within 24 hours was on a ventilator that was breathing for him completely…He was rushed to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital. I never knew pain like that…At one point, while one of the doctors was talking to me she started to “tear up” which concerned me immensely! They honestly didn’t know if he was going to make it and didn’t want to discourage me or cause me to lose hope…
I watched as my baby screamed with no sound as they placed ventilator tubes past his voice box… I watched as they poked and prodded him with IV needles but his little body was so small that sometimes they couldn’t get an IV to take without multiple attempts… I watched as he gasped for air… I watched as he trembled… and eventually, he was completely sedated to avoid any outward stimulus to cause additional problems…All I wanted to do was hold him and let him know that his daddy was there…But I couldn’t hold him, there were so many machines and wires attached to him that all I could do to comfort him was place my hand on his head, stroke his hair and tell him, “Daddy’s right here”…
I thank God for modern medicine… 10 years ago, 1 out of 2 children that are born with the condition that my son had, died, but advancements in care for this condition made survival a much higher statistic… Over the course of a week, Rocky began to turn around and after 15 days in the NICU, he was released to go home. There were other hurdles, and additional stressors over the course of the next 12 months, but after a year, the doctor gave him a completely clean bill of health.
With all that said, I never understood a “father’s” love until I was one. I never understood the level of grief that could be felt by the parent of a suffering child until I watched my son reach a point where he would have quit breathing if a machine didn’t breathe for him. I never understood the level of joy that could be felt watching a child grow, mature, learn and develop. I just didn’t get it… Not from a “Father’s” perspective. I didn’t know what that kind of “Love” actually felt like…Until then…Until now… (I know many reading this today are saying, “I don’t know what that kind of love is or how it feels. My father…” I know that many have horrific family experiences involving their biological fathers… and I know that a biffed up perspective of an earthly father can jade the understanding of your “heavenly father”… For those who have had broken childhoods because of broken fathers, realize that just because your father was broken does not mean that God is. He is capable of loving you in ways that you never experienced and can fill a void that would otherwise remain. Psalm 68:5 says that, “He is a father to the fatherless”…)
That’s how God sees us… We are His Children… and He loves us… When God created man, He created them to have relationship with Him… He created a family. And when sin put a wedge between God and Man, He planned for a way to restore that relationship with us…
For God SO LOVED the WORLD…
God calls us, Son’s and Daughters. I didn’t understand the depth of that label for most of my life. I was looking at my son today sitting on my lap and thought to myself, “No other man will EVER love this child like I do…” He’s my son…
Then, I began to see the parallels in how God feels about us. The parable of the Prodigal Son speaks volumes to me now as I place myself in The Father’s shoes and can feel the rejoicing heart of a man whose son had disappeared but returned home. The one he bounced on his knee, the one he wrestled with on the living room floor, the one he poured his life into, the one he would have fought to the death to protect…
The same son who grew to be a man and was given a “mans right” to make his own choices and his own mistakes despite his fathers wishes and counsel. The man who grieved his father, who abandoned what he knew was right, who shamed his fathers name, who wasted the inheritance that his father worked so hard to build for him…He was his father’s son, regardless of his mistakes… and his father loved him ANYWAY!…Rejoicing at his return home!
To take it a step further, his father TREASURED him, and you saw this manifested in his celebration…As His father, he put “stuff” far beneath the value of his son… He threw a party, killed a valuable animal, put a ring on his son’s hand, a new robe on his back and new shoes on his feet… He was showing him that possessions were no where near as important to him as his greatest treasure… His Son!
It’s understood when reading the parable that the father’s son felt like a complete dreg… Like a failure… He felt completely worthless because of the mistakes he had made and the embarrassment that he was to himself and his family… but when he returned home, the fathers love saw so far past the surface… He didn’t see the sin, he saw what was important…HIS SON!
I can say as a father, there is not an earthly possession that I would be willing to exchange for my son. I would choose him over the riches of the world…He is his fathers treasure…
Today it hit me, “This is how God feels about man”… It is this kind of Love that He has for, not only me, but mankind… It’s why He tells us to Love our Neighbors and why He cautions us that when we do not Love, then we don’t “know” Him at all… God treasures PEOPLE and He wants us to treasure what He treasures! This is why He tells us to care for the widows and the orphans…This is why He asks us to be the good Samaritan…This is why He instructs us to give to those less fortunate than ourselves… Because HE TREASURES PEOPLE!!!
God had it ALL, but He wanted a family! We are His treasure! You are His treasure!
Romans 8:38-39 (Amplified Bible)
38For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things [a]impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers,
39Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
How easy it is to see people through our own jaded lenses. Several years ago, I asked God to allow me to see people through His eyes. I remember right where I was when I prayed that prayer and I remember what He told me when I asked… “Aaron, if you want to see people through My eyes, you are going to have to close yours…”
It’s just a fact that Parents see THEIR children differently than anyone else will ever see them. There is a deeper appreciation for the “little things” when seen through a fathers eyes… There is a greater patience for “personality differences” when seen through a fathers eyes… There is a greater affection for the things that make them unique when seen through a fathers eyes… Love changes the whole paradigm…
As long as we look at people through our eyes, we’ll never see them as God sees them… As long as we refuse to love people, we will never really fulfill our purpose here on this earth (not to the potential that we were created)… As long as we do not allow God to love people THROUGH us, we will miss a significant aspect of our own fulfillment. But when we learn to allow Gods love to flow through us to others and to see them as He sees them…Well, let’s just say that Love is the ultimate liberator!
Freely you have received… Now freely give…
If you can dig it, say “Word”!