When You Can’t See The Forest For The Trees…

Transparently, “Documenting the Journey” today… It is what it is…

I just got off the phone with my dad.  I’ve been kind of struggling with some things lately as it pertains to successes and perceived failures.  As the story of my life goes, I’m presented with yet another “opportunity”.  The opportunity looks promising but so did several others that have presented themselves over the past several years.  I told my dad today, “It’s hard to believe in yourself when you know that other’s don’t believe in you…and rightfully so, I’ve felt like other opportunities were good opportunities only to have them be another in a list of failures”…

Dad’s response kinda messed me up…He said, “You just haven’t seen the end result yet…”.  In other words, what I perceive as a failure just hasn’t manifested its worth yet…or maybe I’m just failing to perceive the purpose of the season…Maybe what I thought was a business failure was never intended for my financial success but was more about investing in people than financial or business success…and as I think about it… that may very well be the case…

In one business “failure” I became very close friends with a man who at the time was at the end of his rope.  I was able to be the friend that he needed in that season and invest myself into him.  Later, he thanked me for being there through that season and told me that he might not be here today if I hadn’t been.

In another “failed” business endeavor, I was flown to another city to meet with the CEO’s of a company during their national convention and to speak with them about my online marketing/networking experience.  While there, I was introduced to very influential men and women, most were multi-millionaires and one was a billionaire…but nothing ever seemed to benefit me from the experience… However, while there, I did meet a pastor and the two of us immediately gelled.  This man preaches all over the world and has a very unique ministry to those in the business world.  It may be possible that the “end” of that has not yet been revealed…  Now, a year and a half later, this pastor does still call me about once a month just to “check on me” to see how I am doing and let me know that I am still on his mind.  I can say honestly, I really felt “good” about going on that trip… In hindsight, maybe I didn’t “miss it” as much as I thought I did but just fail to see the purpose yet…

I’ve been seriously questioning my ability to discern what is right for me to pursue, when what I felt was “right” in the past did not pan out the way I thought that it would or should… Maybe what I have failed to discern was not, “whether or not” it was right but “WHY” it was right… and maybe I just haven’t been patient enough to see it through to the end before making the final determination of whether or not it was a failure or a tremendous success…

I’m thinking now, (or maybe better put, realizing) perhaps, the reason I was there, pursuing the opportunities, was only the carrot that God was placing before the jackass (yeah, I did intentionally call myself a jackass), but actually had nothing to do with what I thought it did and everything to do with me standing in the place where He needed me to stand to be what He needed me to be…Maybe it had little or nothing to do with my faith in Him, but rather, His faith in me, knowing that if I were there, if He sent me, I would be willing to do exactly what He needed done once I was positioned in the right place…That perspective is actually kind of humbling to me as I ponder it…Because, if that is the case, then I know I “passed” a test that I previously thought I had altogether failed…

I’ve prayed all my life the words that Isaiah did in chapter 6 of his book, “Here am I Lord, send me!”  But I’m realizing that maybe I have not grasped the importance of my positioning in those times as it pertains to the people influenced and relationships built in those seasons…

Dad said one more thing that got me thinking today during our conversation, “Son, I believe that in all of this, you are closer to the center of Gods will than you might think that you are”.

I know that there have been necessary lessons in the events surrounding the “failures” of the past few years… But maybe the perceived failure wasn’t what I thought it was at all as  “God working all things together for my good” or taking a “bad situation and turning it around for my good” but actually an example of Him positioning me so that I could be the servant who He used (both then and in the future), to accomplish EXACTLY what was/is needed in the lives of people that He loved/s.

I’m starting to wonder if maybe these experiences were an answer to my own prayer… “Lord, send me…”

There is a lot that I still don’t understand, and many areas that I absolutely need to see “breakthrough”…but pondering this today actually brings a bit of “peace” to the scenario for me…I’ve struggled a lot with the repeated perception that “I missed it, AGAIN”…and have felt gun shy about stepping out on what “felt right” because what “felt right” in the past didn’t seem to “turn out right”… but am realizing today that maybe that was a MISperception…Perhaps, I didn’t “miss it” at all, but actually hit the bulls eye that I didn’t even realize existed…

I’m now considering, it may be possible that the “FAILURE” was only in my ability to perceive the actual purpose behind the encounters from the beginning…and that changes the entire paradigm…

I’ve got some re-calibrating to do…